I kid, of course, I am sure Alex Carey is a good chap, but it is quite funny how controversy seems to stick to him like a bad smell.
The stumping, the haircut and now quite possibly a blatant act of bribery to ensure the Snicko operator (former Snicko operator as updated on LinkedIn this evening) “mistakenly” used the wrong stump mic to maintain an umpires not out decision. Alex Carey has some demons….
What on earth happened today then? Well shortly before the days play was due to start, the newsrooms were awash with stories of Steve Smith being pulled from the team last minute because he was “Unwell”, bit vague eh lads?
I recon one of two things happened, neither of which will be remotely accurate but stick with me. The first possibility, is Cummins, in an act of dominance against the man who had temporarily stepped in for him as skipper (and won the first two tests convincingly), gave smudge a spell of ridiculous short stuff in the nets from about 10 yards. In the process he’s lidded him to the point of concussion. The medical team was alerted to possible concussion because of a noticeable change in personality for Smith, the change being that he showed signs of having one….worrying indeed.
The second possibility is Smudge had the shits and had to be sent home with his school bag.
No Steve, so the boys wake Uncle Khawaja up from his nap and tell him he’s got to play. After dealing with all this Cummins and Stokes stroll out to the middle for the toss. They stood there wafting flies away from their face….or potentially the remaining smell of smudges shitty boxers, and the coin went up. Coin down, Pat to decide, the Aussies will have a bat please and thanks.
Stokes admitted they would also have liked a bat on the absolute road that lay before them, but he couldn’t have it his way so off he went to tell his attack not to be shit.
Jofra seemed to listen to this, Carse less so. Jof was tight in his opening spell as he built up his speeds, something you absolutely have to do on a batting surface that good. Carse got a few to swing and nip at good pace in his first over….and that was quite a shock to everyone watching, but soon decided he’d had enough of that and gave the enemy a few juicy wide ones to get stuck into.
When watching this, I must admit, I thought it was just shit bowling, letting the Aussies get wind under their sails and set up a huge opening partnership and an even bigger first innings score. In actuality, it was a genius method of getting them to relax so much they turned into England……and by god it worked.
Weatherald was the first to go, Archer with a short ball that the opener never looked in control of as he spooned up a catch to Smith behind the stumps. Shortly after, Carse got head with a bog standard ball outside off, which head drove at Crawley, bad move to a man with such a wingspan. Crawley took a screamer, low and one handed, England were really amongst it.
It nearly got even better, Ole uncle Usman driving at a wide one and getting a healthy edge to Brook who misjudged it, went with cupped hands to his left and spilled the catch. This proved costly as Kawaja went on to make 82.
The Aussies settled down before lunch and looked set to steady the ship and build a partnership. I think Kawaja was probably quite happy to be called up, but likely very annoyed at the prospect of batting out a session with his annoying nephew Marnus at the other end. To combat this he likely decided to tell the little squirt some riddles over lunch to scramble his head a bit in the hope he’d go early after the break so he could bat with his favourite nephew Cam. This worked a treat as first ball back Marnus plinked one to Carse and was on his way.
Uzzie looked delighted to see his favourite come striding out to the middle, and was likely planning on discussing their Christmas plans between overs as the two ticked away on a paradise track. Little did he know Cam has actually grown less and less fond of Uncle Uzzie, Grandad had told him his uncle had insisted no money be passed down to the kids and should be left in the care of the adults. This likely spurred Greens decision to also plink one to Carse and head back to the sheds to play PlayStation.
England had capitalised on the family drama and looking poised to take a commanding position in the game
Unfortunately for them, there is no bad blood between Carey and Kawaja, who calmly went about their work and build a comfortable looking partnership, taking the Aussies from 94-4 all the way to 185 when Kawaja was out sweeping Will Jacks into the deep.
Carey was the only Aussie to properly capitalise on the pitch he was given, looking very comfortable (bar getting out 72 if not for a well placed $50 in the Snicko mans pocket) as he made his way to a brilliant century.
He was joined for cameos by Inglis (33) Cummins (13) and Starc (33*) before departing to Will Jacks. The Aussies end the day 326-8.
Englands bowling was confusing, they took wickets at key moments, for the most part fielded well, and kept their energy, but to be honest the credit for the wickets mostly goes to the Aussie bats, who for the most part just threw them away.
Jofra was the pick of them, and despite getting some tap, I thought Jacks bowled ok on a pitch that offered him almost nothing.
Where do we go from here then? Well you’d think England would need to prevent the Aussies from reaching 350 to be in with a decent chance, and I think that is doable if Jofra fires up and Tounge manages to land it.
From here, it’s all about Englands first dig. That pitch STINKS of runs, and not just the remnants of Smudges kebab. They have to go out there and put on a show. It should, in theory, suit them, and there’s potential for a decent lead if they get it right.
Then again….thats a big if.
Leave a Reply