I was not a happy bunny last night, an even unhappier bunny this morning, and having sat on it all day, I could now be considered a properly fucked off rabbit.
Why does the England cricket team insist on ruining any of the silly season joy I can normally indulge in the build up to Christmas? I personally think they get some sort of sick pleasure from our suffering.
Ok that might be a step too far, they are trying, but it’s not working, and it’s a big problem.
So what happened today?
The boys didnt get off to the best start, allowing Starc to briskly add 20 odd runs to his overnight total and bring up another 50. Once he was gone a rather frustrated stokes seemed to have a little pop at the wicket taker, Archer, who didn’t look best pleased about this.
We then took far too long to remove the 9th wicket, another 7 overs and 23 runs, but it was Archer again who finally trapped Lyon LBW to secure a 5 wicket haul.
As the team trudged off the field, they looked a bit disheartened, annoyed at themselves and each other. Not really the best mindset when you are about to commence a second innings 371 runs in deficit but hey ho, I’m sure the boys will love batting on this wicket!
They didn’t.
Duckett looked shakey, but then got a few away and began to swagger around the crease, a little bit like Alvin (of chipmunk fame), oozing confidence. This was good, this was what we needed. He made 29 and missed a classic off spinners delivery from Lyon. Fuck.
Today wasn’t one of the innings in which Crawley makes a score, which is something that seems to happen quite often. For now I’m choosing to ignore that, go again Zak!
Pope is not a number 3, Pope can’t play in Australia, Pope isn’t really the man for the big occasion at the moment, I think Popes ashes is quite likely over.
Right that’s the top three dealt with in admittedly predictable fashion, how were we looking? 42-3.
Right, not ideal but with Yorkshires finest at the crease, I’m sure we can salvage something here, how did they go together? 71-4
Shit not ideal but we know Brook has been susceptible to mistakes in this series, with Rooty there we always have a chance, hows he going? It was Root, snicked off to Cummins.
Shit, and Brook? 45, snicked off to a good one, left us with 127-5.
As you can see from the above stream of consciousness, things weren’t going well, it can’t carry on like this can it?
It can.
Stokes put the handbrake on as he does from time to time and actually survived the day making 45* from 151, he remains our only hope of salvation, and to be fair to him he is the man to do it.
Jamie Smith got on the wrong end of Snicko, another incident with the spike being way out of line with the frame, and what appeared to be daylight between bat and ball. He was looking pretty good for his 22 as well, so its a real shame, but we can’t blame Snicko for this test going so wrong.
(I will be blaming Snicko entirely for this test going wrong when it finishes, if we’ve lost)
Carse can’t really bat and he reminded us of that for the 5 balls he faced, but I still quite like the guy and I too would want him in my team….as a third or maybe 4th choice bowler, if conditions allowed.
At this point, it was looking really, really dismal. England sat at 168-8 when Jofra strolled out to meet Stokes in the middle, id imagine both still fuming at each other over whatever happened in the first few overs of the day.
This pent up hatred actually seemed to work quite well for the pair of them, it’s a tactic that was famously used by Andy flower when he coached the side, and they won everything. Sure, they ended their careers a bit mentally scarred, but the results were good so who cares!
Jofra bashed his way to 30* from 48 balls, bashed is actually quite harsh here because he also played the shot of the day through the covers for 4, and did look a bit like a proper batsman at stages.
England finish up 213-8, still 158 runs adrift of first innings parity. A looming lead with two wickets in hand? Stokes having made his way quietly and slowly towards 50?…..wait a minute, I’ve seen this one before!
Yep, tonight stokes is going to give the Aussies a healthy slurp of PTSD, taking the attack apart whilst watching Josh Tounge bravely take on two balls an over.
First innings lead of 50 and the ashes are alive! God I can’t wait.
It wont happen, but if he can pull off just one more moment of brilliance in a career built from moments of brilliance, now would be the time.
Captaincy on the line, Coaches job on the line, Ashes on the line, silly season on the line.
Arise, Sir Ben, Arise….please.
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